Defining Me

We often see young girls in their teens and describe them as 'trying to figure out who they are.' They are 'testing the waters' of life and discovering who they are apart from Mom or Dad or peers. This hits a lot of girls in their college years as well. As I was thinking about it the other day, I realized that we as women never truly come to a conclusion. We are always seeking to find who we truly are! As a young woman we are seeking to know what kind of woman we will become in life, in marriage what kind of wife, in motherhood what kind of parent...it continues on our whole lives. Who am I?

The mirror does not define me. You may not look like the air-brushed model on the cover of Vogue. You most likely do not even look like you did ten years ago. You most likely don't weigh what you did ten years ago either! And everyone knows that I have a different hairstyle, and color, to fit the season! I have learned, however, that I haven't changed. The girl in the mirror has, but who I am, truly am, is still the same. I'm me. And I am more than an image.

My home does not define me. Ok, you know it is all the rave to post and pin all your greatest triumphs. We all have a "wall" full of great ideas we will never do. We invision our living rooms in the latest colors with antiqued furniture, fragrant blooming flowering plants, handsewn curtains to compliment, and all our fancy handmade wall hangings. In reality, we have Grandma's hand-me down sofa, paint chipped wall that don't match our furniture, walls plastered with photos of our kids, and toys all over the room. We freak when people come over and we haven't had time to shove stuff in closets and vacuum once over! Why? Another lie. Our homes are meant to be places of refuge and loving memories, not a display of your value as a woman.

My activities do not define me. President of this club or that? Soccer coach? 4-H project leader? It leaves me hopping from one place to another, feeling overwhelmed, drained and not as good as I think it sounds. I want others to see what I do for the community and my family, because that is another way I seek to define me. The truth? Anybody can do it. I am not a list of accomplishments.

My husband does not define me. Ok, now we are getting deep. I learned early on in marriage that husbands often make choices the wives would not make. They say things we would not say and share things we would rather not share. They may have friends with those we don't get along with. And sometimes they fail. Their failure is not our failure. I also found that when he talked about hunting and motors that I listened with love, but not interest. Likewise, as I rattled off about my latest novel or some cultural tidbit I had learned while studying, I could see him fade away. It isn't that we don't love one another. It is that we are created differently, to function differently, and blend together beautifully. I must be my own person, not the person I believe he wants me to be, and then I will find that he loves me just as I am!

My children do not define me. This is probably the hardest one to swallow. You know that I spend 99% of my time on them? 90% of my photos in the album of myself are with them? That is what got me thinking on this whole thing to start with. Who am I when I am done raising them?  I spend so much of my time trying to raise my children in the best way possible. Then that moment strikes - they do something childish! As our kids grow, they begin to make friends on their own. They begin to make their own choices and have their own likes and dislikes. They become their own little person. While I had a hand in it, ultimately they will grow to be who God has designed them to be. All the running around and cleaning and disciplining and laundry and schooling and all the things we do as mothers are out of love for them. And then they will leave. As much as we believe, who we are does not hinge on our children. They are a part of our lives that we cherish and adore and pour ourselves into, but each of us has a unique way of mothering and it should not be judged or compared by any other mother. We are not defined in that way!

So, now that I have stripped away  in essence every part of who I believe that I am, then I am left wondering, how do I define me?

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -- Ephesians 2:10

I am a beautiful masterpiece of God. I have been uniquely made with gifts and talents, passions and preferences, quirks and character. He made me who I am so that I could do all those other things - the good works - which He planned for me to do from the beginning. The type of mother, wife, community leader, home-keeper and person that I am from inside to out is all from the outflow of the woman that God created me to be. In my uniqueness I will not be (and should not try to be!) like any other woman. I am me. I am a masterpiece. My Creator defines me.

You Are Just Right

I don't know about you, but I constantly battle with feeling not good enough for my family. I want to be more. I want to be better. I want to be that mom that my kids remember from their childhood and smile about. Or want to be like me, to follow my lead.

My mom was not perfect. Not even close. And in many ways she did a much better job than I do. What is ironic is that it isn't those mess-ups or those super-mom accomplishments that I look back on so fondly. I remember mostly her character. I remember never feeling unloved. I remember her giving her all for us all the time. I remember the fun times we shared playing board games, camping, or doing family holiday traditions. I remember when she would make treasure hunts for me while she cleaned the house. I remember her making some of my favorite foods, and her teaching me to make them too. And most of the "bad" things I remember, I recall them being my fault. My mom is my hero. She is my best friends still. She is the type of mom that I strive to be. She was just right for me.

You are just right for your child, for your husband, for your family. I am just right for mine. See, God in his infinite wisdom has molded you and gifted you to be everything that they need! You will mess up. You will succeed. You will have "failure mom" days and you will have "Super-mom" days. But what you do in between and through both of those, the character you display, the love you express, that is what your kids will look back on with a smile; that is who your kids will want to grow up to be like.

Think about what you want them to see, day in and day out, high and low, in a mom...then be that mom. You are just right for the job.

The Guilt of a Dreamer

My "dream list" includes spending time on every continent, gliding down the Amazon River to spend days lost in the treacherous jungles, translating the Bible for a people who have never held the Gospel in their hands before, packing up and leaving all of my troubles and struggles behind, growing old with my husband on a beach watching the sunset, and looking like Nicole Kidman when I am her age!

Those are just a few of the things I would love to do with my life. I find, however, that when I begin to dream these, or even less harmful dreams like a romantic get-away, a new outfit, or remodeling my bathroom, I begin to feel guilty.
As moms, I believe we become too accustomed to being the "nobody" of the house. Sure, we all encourage our obsessive behavior by telling each other that our homes cannot function without us...but in the process we lose who we are. It becomes a joke and laughing matter because we are lost as to what to do about it.  Our kids' and our husband's well-being come before our own. They get clothes before we do. School supplies come before our novel reading list. Their food tastes take precedence over our own. How they choose to spend free time becomes what we do. Their schedules become our schedules. We push ourselves out of fear of becoming that mom who neglects her children and puts herself and her selfish desires before that of the care of her family. We will not be that woman!

After time of living with this mind-set, we can lose sight of who we are - our passions, our dreams, our simple pleasures. When we begin to dream, our logic screams at us, "what about the kids!? How would that affect them?! That's selfish!" And then we feel guilty for ever dreaming at all.

I am writing this today because I think this is wrong. I think that God has created us with adventure and dreams in our hearts! I believe that we should be willing to take a look and see what else is out there, what more life can have in store for us! Give a little more room for yourself sometimes. You spend all of your time and extra money on your children - get yourself a gift sometimes! Plan a night out for yourself or you and your spouse! Don't be afraid to be a woman with her own dreams and desires. This doesn't necessarily mean packing up and heading out to some remote island (though it might!) but it may include breaking the unhealthy walls of the rooms we have built ourselves into. What we might find is that our marriages are strengthened because we return to being the woman our husbands married. We may make our children proud of our accomplishments and give them inspiration to reach their own goals and dreams. You may find fulfillment and pleasure in your life that you had given up hope of ever having.

Dream big!

Reset

Have you ever had your computer freeze up on you? There is just too much going on in its intricate little brain, too many uploads, too much information, too many commands. My husband is notorious for losing work he's spent hours on because he forgets to "save as you go!" The worst for me is when I am in the middle of watching a movie (we do online tv/movies) and right when you are about to figure it all out - freeze.  I believe that we all learned early on those magic key-strokes (ctrl+alt+delete). Now the world of technology has a "refresh" button!

I believe that sometimes our lives are just like our overloaded computers. There is just too much going on inside our brains that we are responsible for. There are experiences changing us and teaching us. There are too many things that we must remember (shopping lists, bills due, children's extra-curriculars, laundry, dishes, church events, call your mother, feed the animals, did you feed the kids today?). And there are just too many demands! On just Monday I schooled my children, cleaned my house, took my daughter to her bread-making class, coached a soccer practice, rushed back over for a 4-H meeting, then made it home just in time to bathe the kids, read them their story, put them in bed, grab some food and ask my husband how his volleyball tournament went (they won 1st place!).

Freeze. Do you remember that verse from Psalm 46:10?
"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;"
I will tell it to you straight - we can not live our lives at top speed like this if we want to continue to have joy, purpose and fulfillment. We will kill ourselves. Our lives and the impact we have on others is a direct overflow from what is within us. If we have tapped into our reserve tanks and run them dry as well, we are in a bad position.  Last week we took our Easter break. I committed to do nothing that was not absolutely necessary. I laid around and watched movies with my kids. We had a week-long Monopoly game going. We ate...a lot. I read a book. I breathed.
Is it time for you, dear friend, to freeze for a little while?

Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
In Jeremiah 31:25 our Lord reminds us that,
"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”
I think that often times we get carried away with all our comings and goings. It is important that each of us take a time out and reset. On my wonderful Easter break, after I began to breathe again, I then began to think again.  I thought about my family and my children. I realized I had let a lot of the simple, but important things slip through the cracks while focused on the less important "pressing" things. I recommitted. Think about the things you do, why you do them, and what may be missing.
Here are a few things that I think you should consider when you reset:
Purpose - don't do anything unless there is a purpose. If the purpose doesn't fit what you want for your life, for your children, or for your ministry, then don't waste your time on it! (this would also be a good idea for you to think about what your purpose is for your life and your family)
Family driven - your children grow so fast. Make sure that the things you do now cultivate your family being united. Do things together!
Fill Your Own Cup - make sure that you include time for yourself occasionally. Make sure that this time is fulfilling to you, not a time where you are still giving. Have a ladies night out, go to a retreat, spend time at a book store with a hot chai latte (my favorite!). Fill your own spirit!
Cultivate Your Marriage - make sure that everything you do is working toward a common vision between you and your spouse. Make sure to spend time alone with your spouse. Make sure that you regularly have energy at the end of the day to devote to intimacy. Take time outs to do special things to remind them that you love them!
Good Isn't Always Best - The hardest part for me is to weed out the unnecessary when everything is "good." Sometimes something doesn't have to be "bad" in order to cut it out. It just may not be the "best" thing in your life right now.

Don't miss out on the beauty, the charm, the blessings of your life because you are too busy running through life. You know that old idiom "Stop and smell the roses." There is beauty flowing from everything around us, but we must take the time to see it.  Now, go ahead and hit that refresh button in your life!

Winning the Gold

Today's prayer topic is perfect for the Olympics going on right now! Our focus today is on obedience. Have you had a chance to watch any of the Olympics? I have been watching as much as I can and it is astounding! What those athletes can do with their bodies is phenomenal. Here's the question, though. Did any of those individuals get to that point just because they knew the rules of that sport, or because they had read a lot about it? Did they get there because they decided they wanted to be an Olympian and signed up? Obviously, the answer to both questions is no. Every one of those athletes, when interviewed after their achievements, will claim that the only reason they made it that far was from hard work. They trained, day after day. They pushed themselves as far as they could push. They were never content with where they were but wanted to be better, stronger.

borrowed from www.guardian.co.uk

As Christians, we should be spiritual Olympians. We should never be content. We need to train daily and push ourselves to the limit. Here is what Paul says to us in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.  Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Does that describe you? Do you want to win that gold? If not, then that is what today is about. This discipline comes from a constant obedience to God's desires for you. We begin by having time spent in his word. We cannot be obedient if we do not know what he is asking of us. There is a level of calling, however, that God places on each of our individual lives. That is only determined by seeking God's will through prayer.

As you take time to pray today, ask God to show you what it is that he desires of you. Ask him to reveal any place in your life where you are not being obedient. Ask him if you are where he desires you to be (work, church, relationships) or if he would like you to step out into something new.

"Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules." --2 Timothy 2:5 (NIV)

The Cleansing Power of Prayer

The other day I had to explain to my daughter the definition of repentance. That concept is a bit hard for a six year old to understand. The problem we were having was that she would do something mean to her brother, say sorry, then do it over again. She thought it was ok, because she said sorry. Thus, the repentance conversation.

What is repentance? Repentance is just turning from your sin. When you confess it, you are recognizing that the sin is there, that you've messed up. But when you repent, you turn away from that action and try to not do it any more.

Today's prayer focus is on Confession and Repentance. During our prayer times we must allow God to cleanse us. We must open up our hearts to allow him to show us what is wrong in there. Then we must confess those things - admit it. Then turn away.

For some, this may be a hard thing to do. It may make us feel awful to admit what is truly inside! But that is the point - as long as we leave it hiding there, it is like an unclean wound that just festers and grows! If we face the pain and shame, then the healing process can begin. Remember the study from yesterday - knowing the names of God? Today we call upon God our Judge and our Healer.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." --1 John 1:9

Take time today in prayer to confess, repent, and heal.

A Journey of Prayer - Drawing Near to God

"The number one personal need of all women surveyed was that they would grow spiritually and have a deep, strong, vital, life-changing, faith-filled walk with God." -Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Woman, 27

As a few of you may know, this week I have begun anew the study on the Power of Prayer. As a guide, I am using Stormie Omartian's book The Power of a Praying Woman. Prayer is the one area in my personal Christian walk that I struggle. It isn't that I don't understand the importance of prayer - I do! It isn't that I don't have the faith in those prayers being answered - I do! And I am great at the "popcorn" prayers, you know, the onces that just pop up throughout your day as you are doing your daily tasks - and that is a good thing! But I lack that quality time, set aside for deep, intimate prayer.

I will be totally honest with you. I think that my great faith in who God is is somewhat the hinderance to my prayers. I believe that he can do anything and do anything and that he will do that which will be according to his plans and purpose. So why should I pray? If I know God can heal that person, and will heal that person if he desires, what does my prayer have to do with it? I know that this thinking is wrong, but that is what I struggle with. What we all need to realize is that prayer is not so much for that person or thing, or for God, as it is for us.

Prayer is our alone time with God. Husbands and Wives need alone time to reconnect, rekindle the flame, share their hearts with one another. Parents and children need alone time to open up, get to know the real person inside, discuss any life situations going on. That is what we need with our God as well! We need time with him to reconnect, rekindle the flame, share our hearts, get to know him better and discuss what is going on in our lives with him. It is about being a woman who knows her God.

So as we begin this prayer journey together, there are a few things we need to do to begin -

Make the commitment to do what it takes. Don't let your busy life keep you from that which will fill you up and sustain you for everything else.

Set aside a time and place. Make your prayer time just like a meeting or outing with any other person. And be there! No excuses!

Spend this first day getting to know God. Learn the different names for God that there is in the Bible and what each of those mean to you. Learn who he is to his people. (Psalms is a good place to start!)

Comment below on what this time of prayer would mean to you? What is your deepest prayer need? What is it that hinders your prayer life?

I am so excited to start this with you! Thank you for joining me!

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." --James 4:8

In Pursuit

Every relationship needs a little pursuit - from both sides! Oftentimes we as women assume that it is our husband's job to pursue us. He should buy us dinner, flowers, do the dishes, rub our feet, smell nice, write us letters and give us chocolate in pursuit of our love. Yes, and YES! He should! That is definitely part of it! But that is not all of it. Our husbands' male ego sensors have not been turned off just because we put a ring on his finger!

Men want to know that they are attractive enough for a woman to come on to them. They want to know that there is something about them that will make a woman lure him to her. He wants a woman to pursue him, to take the initiative and do whatever it takes to make him happy and make him want her - because she wants him. Make sure that woman is you.

Let's look at some scripture to back this up. I have been reading through Song of Solomon this week, and here is what I have found - passage, after passage of two lovers who are equally enamoured with one another and equally seeking each other:

He is in pursuit:
My beloved spoke and said to me,“Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. - Song of Songs 2:10

She is in pursuit:
I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.  Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. - Song of Songs 7:10-11

And these are the tame verses I have pulled out. There is passage after passage of passionate, intense pursuit and longing after one another. (Hey, the Bible can be quite scandalous, if you didn't know!)

What is so beautiful about all of this, beyond the beauty of this love story, is that this is also the love story that God has planned out for us with Him. He pursues us, yes, but passage after passage reveals to us a God who is jealous, who desires for his people to seek after (pursue) him in an intimate way!

“In that day,” declares the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master. - Hosea 2:16

For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. - Deuteronomy 4:24

Today, make the effort to pursue your husband. Pursue each other! And in the center of it all, come together to pursue God with a devouring passion!

True Freedom

In honor of our country's Independence Day, I wanted to write about freedom. There are so many things we could discuss in regards to this topic, but the past few days that I have had have led me to want to share about our freedom in Christ. In the United States of America, we celebrate, and hopefully hold dearly to, those freedoms that allow us to make our own choices, especially in regard to our religion. This is a blessing! Not every Christian enjoys these freedoms, though. However the Bible talks about freedom that we all find in Christ. Let's begin with Romans 6:16-21:

"Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey —whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? ¹⁷ But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. ¹⁸ You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
¹⁹ I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. ²⁰ When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. ²¹ What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! ²² But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."

Let me tell you a little about what's going on at my house. You know that old saying, "when it rains, it pours?" Yes, it's pouring around here! Last week, in one day, we had our hot water heater go out, our dishwasher stop running, the dryer will only run half a cycle and to top it all of beautifully,  a screw slipped on my computer when I closed it and the whole things snapped in half. Problem being, we don't make a whole lot of money to fix things all at once like this! Our landlord (love him!) replaced the hot water heater and we decided that our top priority (given how much of our ministry is done via online media - teens!) was our computer. So we spent what little savings we had and bought a computer and I resorted to washing dishes by hand. Ok, moving on. You didn't think that was all, did you? So this week the kids and I took our annual trip to St. Louis to site see with my sister (there are great free family things to do around that area!) The last day there I made a horrifying discovery: the kids and I had lice. I have no clue where it came from, but we had it bad. Therefore, I had to use the remainder of our regular savings to buy all of the treatments, sprays, etc, in order to rid ourselves of this plague! In the process of getting everything in the house washed with hot water to decontaminate, our washing machine broke. No, I am not kidding. So, my dear husband (who was my knight in shining armor this week, by the way!) and I had to break into our anniversary savings money to get a new washer. See, my daughter was born on our first anniversary, so we decided then that we would save money each year instead of celebrate, and every 5 years we would do something grand! Washing machines were not in that plan.

I guess what I am getting at is this: while we are blessed to live in the US and experience numerous freedoms, we are not free from life. We are not free from struggles and burdens and worries. The freedom that we have is the freedom to choose. We are free to choose whether these circumstances are going to get the best of us. We have the freedom to choose whether to focus on these things or to look outside ourselves for opportunities to continue the work for the Kingdom. We have the freedom to choose to wallow in hopelessness and self-pity or to rely on the never-failing faithfulness of God to supply every need. We have freedom from sin, which means no matter what the situation, we can choose God and in the end we will receive eternal life with him because of that freedom.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. -- John 8:36

Borrowed from beamerfilms.com

Here's a little something I have learned from these trying times in my life - think about Job. Satan doesn't give you the time of day if he doesn't think you are worth it. But if he thinks there is some value to steering you off course, then he will give it his all. That means, that in times like these, take it as a compliment: 1) that God would find you trustworthy of such trials and 2) that Satan thinks you are worth coming after. Don't let him win. Let him throw at you whatever he will, but keep your eyes locked on Christ Jesus and focus only on what you can do to glorify him. Claim the victory of this battle and rely on Christ to be your strength.

So I Married An Imperfect Person!

Anytime a young woman is thinking about marriage, my advice is for her to decide if she can live with him exactly the way he is, because she will never change him. Some may argue that men can change, through prayer and God working in their lives, and this is true, but not a guarantee...and it is the Spirit of God that makes these changes, not a nagging wife! The best way to enter into a marriage is with your eyes wide open and a committed heart to love him and stay with him exactly the way he is!

The truth is none of us is perfect. We all sin and fall short. My dear husband made sure early on in our relationship that I knew all of what he considered his short-comings, so I would "know what I was getting into." The truth is, if I didn't stay with my husband through his mistakes, I would end up alone or with another imperfect person.

This is where forgiveness comes into play. While I was thinking of how I could approach the topic of forgiveness in marriage, I realized that it is somewhat of an obscure philosophy in this generation. We are so used to getting something new when what we have doesn't please us anymore (instant gratification) that the practice has even rolled over into our marriages. When I was a teenager, my pastor would tell me that love is not an emotion; infatuation is an emotion; lust is an emotion; happiness and excitement are emotions. Love is a commitment. You don't stay with your spouse because he makes you feel all giddy inside 24 hours a day (sorry, honey!). You stay with him because you love him and committed to stay with him "through rich or poor, sickness and health, good times and bad." The only way to possibly do that is to learn to forgive his mistakes.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you have a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Think about that. How did the Lord forgive you? Completely. Selflessly. Without thinking of the wrong we had done him, he laid down his life to cover those sins. He replaced our filthiness with his righteousness and he stands before the judgement seat to defend us. How can we possibly every forgive anyone that way? We can start by giving them grace. Allow him to be human and make mistakes without holding it against him for the rest of your lives. Defend his honor. Don't go tell everyone every mistake your husband makes. Pick up where he fails. Come along beside him to help him break those unhealthy patterns instead of being bitter and closing yourself off from him. Give him a clean slate each day. That is how we would forgive our husbands as the Lord forgave us.

This is easier to say than to do, I realize! Selfishness, pride, bitterness, and just plain pain get in the way. I find myself blessed to be married to a man that I can share these feelings with so that he is able to help me forgive him. Not everyone has such open communication with their spouse. But don't forget where emotion and reality cross. Don't mistake unhappiness for a loss of love. Don't drop a commitment to your marriage in exchange for some unrealistic idea that you could be happier elsewhere. The only way to make a marriage work is to forgive and keep on working at it! No healthy marriage worth having doesn't come at a high price of hard work and selfless living. Let's make that commitment together today to love and forgive in our marriages!

(Note: Please understand that I believe there are certain situations where forgiveness and self-preservation are two different things. I do not believe a woman who is being abused or treated unfaithfully needs to stay in that unhealthy situation. If this is your case, this post is not for you and you should seek out help and christian counsel!)

Honeycomb Words

It happens over and over. I say something without thinking about it or at an inappropriate time and I rip a hole in my husband's pride. I know this isn't respectful or honoring or encouraging. At times, when I do it in front of the kids (BIG no-no, mamas!), it is damaging their perception of their father -- and when it gets down to it, it is usually a stupid reason. I am trying to defend my own broken, damaged heart from getting any more hurts. I am trying to protect my children from having wounds from things that wounded me. But the worst of it is that I am assuming that my husband is going to be the one that I must defend against instead of seeing him as my protector and lover. I will tell you that he does nothing to deserve that assumption. That is just a result of me having lived in a broken world.

God asks us to respect our husbands. If we want him to see that respect and honor and rise to that position, we must encourage him! The Bible tells us that our words can go both ways:

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. --Prov. 12:18

We all know this. We even made up a little rhyme years ago to try to deny the pain that words can cause: Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me! How wrong! Words can cause some of the worst pain of all! They "pierce like swords!" The great thing is, we can also use our words to bring healing. Here is another passage that tells us the potential our words have if we will grab hold of the right way to use our words:

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. --Prov. 16:24

I don't know about you, but I would love for someone to say those things about the words that come out of my mouth. Here are some ways that I have found (and need to put to better use!) that help to keep our words sweet honeycombs to our husbands:

1) Pray before you speak! If there is something that is bothering you, don't just pounce on it. Give yourself time to seek God's counsel before you approach your husband.

2) Think about the sound of your words from the outside. Is there any way that what you are saying could be taken as an insult to his authority or manhood? Is there a better, gentler way to say it? Can you make a suggestion without putting down his previous decisions?

3) Timing. Choose a time that is intimate between you and your husband. Don't confront him in front of others, especially not your children. Don't confront him when he is already beaten down and tired.

4) Most importantly - find every opportunity to tell him what a great job he is doing. From earning an income, to playing with the kids, to loading the dishwasher (the wrong way!), to mowing the lawn - all of your praises matter to him! They show him you care and honor him! They show him that his efforts matter to you! So don't hold back those praises today!

Today, let us both strive, dear sister, to guard our words. Let us be women who speak honeycomb words that heal and sweeten the soul of our marriage!

Incorruptible Beauty

The other day my husband asked our daughter if she would rather dress up like a princess or go out and play with her chickens (which she loves).  She pondered a minute. Finally she decided that she would rather dress up like a princess and go out and play with her chickens. Another time her daddy told her to go get dressed to ride the horse with him. She came out wearing a jean skirt. "You can't ride in a skirt," he told her. "But it's a cowgirl skirt," was her logical reply.

I am sure every single one of you remember dressing up like a princess! As a woman, being beautiful is at the core of our desires. John Eldredge writes in his book Wild at Heart:

“There are also three desires I find essential to the woman’s heart, which are not entirely different from a man’s and yet they remain distinctly feminine…every woman longs to be fought for…And her childhood dreams of a knight in shining armor coming to rescue her are not girlish fantasies; they are the core of the feminine heart and the life she knows she was made for…Every woman also wants an adventure to share…caught up into something greater than herself…And finally, every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil.” (19-20)

So, as adults, our endeavors of dressing up like princesses and fairies evolve into putting on makeup, dying and blow drying our hair and shaving our legs. How important is being beautiful to you? How much weight does it hold on how you carry out your day? Let's consider what the apostle Peter tells us:

Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. --1 Peter 3:3-4

Do you read that? Incorruptible beauty, isn't that what we are all searching for? Peter tells us that it is found in the hidden person of the heart by having a gentle and quiet spirit. Not only that, but God finds it beautiful too! So how do we find this hidden person? How do we have a gentle and quiet spirit? I would suggest that it comes from a woman saturated in the Word of God, from having the peace within that comes from trusting in God for her every worry and care. A woman who always responds a kind word and does not give in to anger easily. A woman who reflects the heart of God. This woman would be beautiful.

Today, let us not worry so much about our hair, makeup, clothes, or jewelry. Instead, let's use that same time spent to cultivate the inner beauty of our hearts.

Loving Fervently

Sometimes I get ideas stuck in my head and I think about them for a long time, evaluating every aspect of them. This happened to me this morning as I did my morning reading. I read such a simple passage from 1 Peter. Typically for my posts I use the New International Version (NIV) Bible, but this morning, I read from the New King James (NKJV) which chooses slightly different wording for this passage than the NIV and it made a difference to me.

Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, --1 Peter 1:22 (NKJV)

Love one another fervently. Do you hear the strength of that word? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines fervent as:

1: very hot : glowing

2: exhibiting or marked by great intensity of feeling : zealous <fervent prayers>

Can you honestly say that you love others around you fervently? Outside of your spouse (some of you may even be giggling here), outside of your children. Do you love your neighbor with a very hot love?  Do you love the elders and deacons of your church with a glowing intensity?  Do you love your child's teacher or T-ball coach with a great intensity of feeling?  Do you love that annoying lady that never stops talking or asking for favors with a zealous love? Do you love others fervently?

 

Let's get real here. I snickered as I wrote this. I have very good neighbors, but I am not sure that I would characterize my relationship with them as very hot. Sometimes my feelings toward the leadership in the church is glowing from frustration, but not love! I hardly know my child's t-ball coach. I do not feel zealous about certain people in our congregation (a few faces pop into my conscious!). Bottom line - I do not love everyone with this fervent love. But this is what Christ asks of us! After spending the week in South Dakota on the mission trip, I saw an example of that fervent love.  Our team loved those kids fervently with a pure heart. I saw it in action. I saw it in the sacrifices. I saw it in the drive to continue when all human strength was depleted.

 

My challenge this week for us both, dear sister, is to love others fervently. Open your heart and share your love with the difficult to love. Get to know those around you better. Forgive the minor annoyances easier. Imagine a world where we all loved fervently. We can do it!

Letting the Spirit Move in Your Plans

It was really great to be back home again, especially to have my kids back in my arms, easily kissable! I found however, that now that summer is here (and I have my babies back), there is so much that we can do! The thing is I want to do everything, but I am accomplishing nothing!

I asked a question on my facebook page to see how different women organize their day - whether it is a little-each-day schedule, a one-focus-a-day schedule, or a -whatever-is-most-important-right-now schedule.  The majority of the responses were for the whatever-is-most-important-right-now type. I think for the most part that this is good! It leaves us room to "let the Spirit move," so to speak. As we keep in mind the most important task for each day, let us always remember what Christ told us was most important:

"Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind..." "Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 22:37,39

Relationships are always the most important aspect of our day. The rest can wait. I promise.

However, (you knew that was coming, right? I mean, I am a type A person!) in my opinion, the best way to make sure that you are able to follow the Spirit's lead and put relationships first is to make sure that you are accomplishing your tasks during the time that there are not other things begging your attention! If you have procrastinated that project to the deadline, have 2 hours left to get it done, and your dear friend comes over with a need, how hard will it be for you to set aside your project to have a cup of coffee and listen to her? So some semblance of a schedule is needed.

The one-focus-a-day schedule works best for me because I am easily overwhelmed when I have too much to do and get busy doing all of it at once! My husband, a youth pastor, is off on Mondays, so that is our family day! I try to get us out of the house so we are not tempted to work around the house on this day! Tuesdays are then the days that I focus on cleaning up my house after our "weekend." I usually have a day for ministry planning, a day for bills and grocery shopping, and a day for whatever else needs doing around our home. Mixed in, I try to make sure that my kids have a play date day as well. I don't (can't) schedule hourly, but simply make a list of the things I would like to accomplish that day, mixed with visits to the library, time outs with girlfriends, and t-ball games! Then, I go through my list, making sure that as I do, I am open to anything happening at any moment...as the Spirit leads!

Just remember dear friend, while God wants us to be good stewards of the blessings he has given us (time, home, children, etc!), these two verses to ponder:

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. Proverbs 16:3

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

De-Stressing!

I have a new project this week. I am attempting to de-stress my lifestyle. How about you? Need a little de-stressing?

I will admit, I am an over-achieving, type A perfectionist. Phew! Glad to get that out! While I enjoy accomplishing things and I enjoy the work I do, I realize that at times I do too much. I think that this "too much" is affecting my health, my relationships, and my overall happiness! In short, my cup is empty and I keep trying to pour out of it! The bad part is, however, that I am this way by my own making. My husband doesn't require it. My kids don't demand it. My ministry would function well without it. The "it" being the stress! I am sure that half of what I do would still get done even if I took a little time to relax.

God does not want a bunch of pack-mule women to serve him through pain and suffering. He says,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." --Matthew 11:28

and he goes on!

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden in light." --Matthew 11:29-30

That sounds nothing like my daily routine! So I began to do a little research on reducing stress in your life. What I found medically completely supported everything found in Scripture (go figure!) So if you, dear sister, like me, need a little de-stressing in you life, join me in trying the following ideas!

Calm Music
Calming music and sounds are supposed to lower one's stress level. Looking back to the life of Saul, this king hired David to come and play music for him then he "would feel better." (1 Samuel 16:23)
I have attempted to play some classical music each day this week while I am doing chores or taking a shower.

Call a Friend
It is proven that when one feels stressed and gives a friend a call, just the thought of sharing the burden with another lowers the level of stress. If we think of this, Proverbs 17:17 has already shown this to us when it says

"A friend loves at all time, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."

Eat Right and Exercise
Well, we all know this one, so I am not going to get into it too much... Do you recall Daniel 1? By eating healthy and as the Lord had instructed, Daniel and his companions were "healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food." (Daniel 1:15) This week I am attempting to get up each morning and do some exercises. I am also cutting back on my caffeine intake (gasp!) and taking daily vitamins!

Meditation and Deep Breaths
Well, while this may bring to mind some Eastern religious mumbo-jumbo, we must not forget that we are supposed to be meditating - on the Word of God! There are passages after passages to remind us of this, but consider the following:

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. --Joshua 1:8

Laugh
Remember the Proverbs 31 woman? It says that she can "laugh at the days to come." (Proverbs 31:25).
Laughter is proven to be a huge stress reliever! Remember the old saying "laughter is the best medicine?" There is truth to that! My kids always serve for a good laugh if I just take the time to sit and play a little with them! I also love to watch Psych. Thirty minutes with those quirky guys and I am rolling in laughter! Find what tickles your funny bone and take some time out for it!

Sleep Well
Doctors recommend that adults get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Those of you with young children laugh at this idea. Think about the following:

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves. --Psalm 127:2

Sounds like God values sleep, doesn't it? Make the effort to get a good night's sleep each night.

Purpose
This last one is from me. Don't let the things you do as a result of your life's purpose become your life's purpose. Always remember why you do what you do.

My goal is to implement all of these into my lifestyle. What about you? What can you do this week to de-stress your life a little?

Say "Cheese!"

I had an incredible weekend at the Homeschool Conference this past weekend and walked away with many truths that I stored in my heart.  It was truly a weekend that filled my cup. Over the next few posts, I will share some of them with you.  Today, I want to share with you a lesson that I was reminded of.  It is a very simple one.  Smile.

One of the speakers pointed out that our children want nothing more than to know that we are proud of them or that we love them.  Don't have children?  That's ok.  This lesson will still be applicable for you because we all want to feel appreciated, loved and validated.  The easiest way to make our children or others feel this way is to smile.

How often have you smiled today?  Have you been so burdened by your chores, your job, your finances, your relationships, that when your children approach you they are greeted with a frown? a scowl? a sigh? or maybe even a push away ("go play. Mommy's busy.")?  Oh, how this simple lesson pierced my heart!

You have right now with them. The problems will never go away, but your babies will! Do you want them to feel like they have to perform or achieve a certain way for you to smile and delight in them? They should feel like their very presence in your life brings you joy, delight...or at least a smile to your face!

My challenge to you today, dear sister, is to smile.  Smile at your children.  Smile at your husband.  Smile at others around you.  You will find that this simple act of smiling will actually result in changes within you.  It has for me!  I can't smile and respond bitterly.  I can't smile and refuse to get up and interact with my kids.  I can't smile and get frustrated at them for doing the same thing for the 506th time.  When I smile, I react differently.  When I smile at my husband while he is telling me about our problems, I am validating him and the choices he is making.  It causes me to hold back my "two cents" and support his choice.  When I smile at my children, they know that I love them unconditionally.  They know that they can be exactly who they are and I will love them and delight in them!  When I smile, I show that the joy of the Lord really is in my heart!

I can't tell you how this works, but I know it does! So say, "Cheese!"

To read more about my weekend at the Homeschool Convention click here.

Nothing But a Tent Peg?

Have you ever read the story of Jael? Her story can be found in Judges chapter 4. Many people skim over it either because it is so short, or because they don't know what to make of it. Here's my thoughts on it. See what you think and then share your take!
In this Chapter we find Israel under the control of King Jabin of Canaan. To make a long story short, God leads the Israelites to victory against King Jabin’s commander, Sisera, and his army. When Sisera saw that they were losing he fled to the tent of Heber the Kenite because Heber was neutral during this war. Heber was actually a cousin to the Israelites, and under normal circumstances would ally with them, however, it seems he sold out to the side he thought most likely to win. His wife Jael did not, however. When Sisera arrived, Jael invited him in, gave him a drink, and covered him up (vs. 18-20). And when Sisera was asleep, Jael found a tent peg and hammer (common things to have for those who lived in tents!) and, in verse 21, “she drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.” She took matters into her own hands and destroyed the enemy.
Now this may be an extreme action, however we can learn a lot from Jael. She could not change the fact that she was a woman and could not fight in the battle against this army. She could not change her husband’s allegiance to the side she knew God was on. She was probably overcome with anger when Sisera showed up at her door asking for refuge. But instead of dwelling on all of these things that she had no control over, she seized the opportunity to do what she could do. She could catch this enemy unaware and destroy him. And she did.
We must not be afraid to do what we can. We must not allow Satan to keep us so beat down that when the opportunity to do good comes along we completely miss it. We must keep our eyes open, and our hearts focused. Instead of feeling sorry for the position we are in, let us focus on the blessings and gifts that we have been given and put them to good use for His kingdom!

Spring Cleaning Your Spiritual Dwelling Place

Yes, it is that time of year again. Time to open up the windows, clean out the closets, and wash behind every dresser and in every corner! I love it and I hate it! I love the outcome, but hate the process. I know, however, that this is one of those times when I am challenge in my "profession." This is the big week of the year to really put my all into being a work-at-home mom! I am doing it much earlier this year than usual because I want to donate my things to our church's yard sale to support missions...so, it has begun!

As I was scrubbing and rinsing and vacuuming and organizing today, my mind was wandering as usual, and I began to wonder how often we "spring clean" our spiritual homes? Ephesians 2:22 tells us:

And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

WE are the dwelling place for God's Spirit! Are we keeping up with our spiritual dwelling place? There are so many ways that we could evaluate and tackle this task. Are we displaying the fruits of the Spirit? (Galatians 5:22-23) Have we rid ourselves of worldly things and clothed ourselves with righteousness? (Colossians 3) Are we being godly woman as lined out in Titus 2?
My challenge to you would be to find a passage of Scripture that lines out what your desire for your spiritual dwelling is, and then focus on ways that you can take those steps to making it that place! Whether it is a change in lifestyle or just an attitude adjustment, it is the time of year for spring cleaning, so let's get the job done! Are you with me?

Just Think

If any of you have (or have had) a little boy living in your house, you probably get a pretty good image when I say, "missing the mark." It doesn't matter how many times I gently coax him to "point at the hole at the bottom," when he is in a hurry to get back outside to play, I get left with yet another toilet seat to clean.
The literally meaning of the word "sin" is "missing the mark," as in an archer missing his target with his arrow. It is not an intentional veering from God's word (transgression), but an accidental mistake - one we make without thinking. That is what I want to talk about today - not thinking. Why aren't we using our brains a little bit more? When we make decisions in our lives, why do we not think about what God would think of that decision?

This image was "borrowed" from Facebook :)

We buy an outfit that is totally in style and accentuates our womanly curves wonderfully...without thinking whether or not it is modest or causing a brother in Christ to stumble.



We strive and wear ourselves out to have great, wonderful homes, cars, furniture, clothes...without thinking where else that money could go or how much time we are missing from our families.

We label things as culturally acceptable without seeking out God's heart in the matter.

I could go on and on. I believe that the majority of sin that Christian women stumble into is completely and utterly accidental, missing the mark. I believe that what happens is we get so caught up in our daily lives and culture that we just don't take the time to really think about it. We don't think about God's word and we don't think about the others out there with less priveledged lives than ours. 

How many of you have a favorite movie, show, or book? I bet you can name every character, remember every scene, and possible even recount specific details of the story or background information on the filming or actors. How much time did it take you to acquire that type of information? Do you spend the same amount of time pouring over Scripture, learning every character, every scene, specific details of the story and background information on the text? If not, why not? If you were to put that effort into learning God's Word inside and out, you would be able to learn the Heart of God. I believe that is one of the reasons the books of the Law are in the Old Testament, so that we can learn God's heart for his people, what he desires of us and how he wants us to live. Now the Old Covenant has passed away and we are saved through the blood of Jesus Christ, but that does not mean that God's heart for us has changed at all.

When making choices in our lives we need to consider Scriptures such as:

"You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own." --Leviticus 20:26

"Do not bring a detestable thing into your house or you, like it, will be set apart for destruction." --Deuteronomy 7:26

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." --Jeremiah 1:5

I want to encourage you today to do one simple thing - think. Are your choices holy? Have you allowed any detestable thing into your home? Are you living as one set apart? Dear sister, I ask you to just think.

Little Reminders

Do you ever stop and think about what your life will be like 10, 20 years from now? Where is the path you are on taking you? I often think about this and wonder if I am not only doing my best right here, right now, but also building the best future. Am I seizing opportunities to make the memories I will cherish in the years to come? Am I equipping my children with the tools to be strong, self-sufficient, godly individuals?
One of the most important, am I nourishing my marriage to be the relationship that will still be there when my kids are grown and all others have moved on?
Proverbs 5:18 says, "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." Am I giving my husband something to rejoice about in the years to come?
Sometimes I am too busy taking care of all the technical aspects of marriage (raising the kids, cleaning the house, folding the laundry, cooking the meals, doing the bills...) that I forget to put effort into the marriage itself.
So how do you keep your marriage front and center? Now that I have a several years under my belt, what I find easiest is to use the ideas that worked in the past. We all have those special memories of the silly little lovestruck things we did when we were dating, engaged or first married. What were those things? What was it that made those things special? Repeat them and watch your husband's face light up, guaranteed!
This week I recalled early on in our marriage, before my first daughter was born, in our tiny 4 room (not bedroom) house.  I had a red dry erase marker that I used to write love messages to my Beloved on the bathroom mirror for him to find before or after work. After a few moves and a couple of kids later, that dry erase marker got lost and forgotten, but I remember how he would smile when he found those messages.  So, I started rummaging through my desk (there are now dozens of dry erase markers in my possession) and found a red dry erase marker. I went into the bathroom and wrote a simple "I love you" on his mirror. It was so sweet when he found it, like I had done something reeeallly out of the way for him. I wrote on the bathroom mirror, how hard was that? But in actuality, how hard are any of the little extra things that we can do to remind our husbands that they are the number one in our lives?
Your husband married you for a reason - because you made him smile and gave him something to rejoice about. Don't be too busy and burdened with the everyday to lose what it is he loves most about you - you!