You Will Never Be Good Enough

Yep, you read that right. You will never be good enough. Now hold on before you click to some other link that is more upbeat and cheery. This really is a pep-talk!

I have always been that girl that has to do everything right. I actually get very upset if I don't accomplish what I wanted to. It was great when I was younger going through school. It got me good grades. It kept me from making stupid decisions (most of the time). You get the picture. However, as a mom, it has not been a great quality to have. Of course we should always strive to do our best, but my problem was that if I didn't have all the items on my to-do list checked off, if my house wasn't up to "par," if my kids were having "one of those days," even if I were sick and didn't get my ducks in a row...I felt like I had failed. I was a failure as a mom. I was a failure as a wife. I was just a failure.

Well, in a way, the Bible says that is true. Let's explore:

Isaiah 64:6 says, "For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment;"

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."

We can never be good enough! There are never enough good things that we can do to make all of our mistakes "ok." We can never serve enough or give enough to pay the price for our wrong choices. That is why God sent His Son.

This isn't a bad thing! It's grace! It is freeing! What this tells me is that I can stop striving! I can stop trying to be perfect. I can stop trying to be the perfect mom. I will never be. I can stop trying to be the perfect wife. I will never be. But, that doesn't make me a failure. It makes me beautiful. Yes, because Jesus blood has cleansed me and I am now in right relationship with God. With His Spirit in me, guiding me and sanctifying me, I am perfect. The way that I am now seen is not based on what I have accomplished, but on what He has accomplished for me. I can live a life without the burden of checking things off the list and focus on loving others and sharing this message of grace with everyone that I can.

Now, that is a pep-talk!

Tough Questions

You've heard them, the "tough" questions in the Christian's life. Why do bad things happen to good people? If God is there, why is he allowing this to happen? Why would He let innocents suffer? Why do the "sinful" people have more, do more, seem happier? Why did he let this person die? In the past couple of days, those around me have suffered two deaths and I have had some of my teens asking the tough questions.

As I read my reading for today (Job 19-21), I realized that the tough questions in life have plagued humanity since the fall of man. "Why do the wicked live on, growing old and increasing in power?" (21:7) "Yet they say to God, 'Leave us alone! We have no desire to know your ways.Who is the Almighty that we should serve him? What would we gain by praying to him?'" (21:14-15)

We have no idea, just faith. I consider those the "faith" questions. It is in those moments that we have to have the faith that God is in control and knows what He is doing. We have very limited knowledge, no foresight, no understanding, but God does. He knows all. I know that feels like a weak answer to give someone, but it shouldn't. That is the truth.

Mankind is not wise. God, in his love, has given every human free will. He does this so that we can choose to serve him, choose to love him, not be little robots on the earth. He wanted companionship, not toys. Therefore, we must endure the consequence of each and every individual's choices. Each choice affects not only the person, but the people around that person, sometimes causing pain and suffering. That person, as a result of their suffering, must make more choices, affecting more people. Imagine how that has taken course over thousands of years! Our world is now so full of consequences of actions from years and years of poor choices, that sometimes the things that happen don't even make sense. You can't "trace the source." But you do have to understand that God is allowing the earth to turn, the world to live out life without his micromanaging. He has given His Spirit to prompt and guide, but ultimately, it is up to us. And we don't make the greatest choices.

Don't try to make up a reason. When we are faced with the tough questions, we want to "defend God" and give a good justified reason. Don't. The truth is that we don't fully understand, so admit that! Job said to his friends, "So how can you console me with your nonsense? Nothing is left of your answers but falsehood!" (21:34) Don't give the seeker and sufferers more reason to turn away from God. Give them reminders of God's love, comfort, and strength. Admit you don't know the answers or you will just push them away.

Are you going through a hard time and asking some tough questions? God loves you. He loves you SO much. Lean into his arms today.

Change of Plans

I felt heartbroken as I was laying my daughter down for bed last night and she was sharing with me that she did not have a good day because nothing went as planned. Every night we share together our favorite part of the day and our worst part of the day. We began our day excited about the plans and by 10:00 everything had changed due to problems. The day continued in that way. My heart was not broken because she had a bad day from the plan changes, rather because I know that this will happen over and over in her life. I know that plans will get rained on and dreams will get pushed aside for the burdens of everyday living. I also know that when it rains, it pours and that is how our last week has gone around here. In one day last week, it seemed like everything around me crumbled!
The hope we have, when times are crummy, is that God is faithful. So I leaned over my daughter and asked her what I always ask her after she shares her best and worst parts of the day, "How did that make you feel?" Obviously, the answer was sad. Then I asked her what always follows, "What could we have done or what should we do?" She thought and told me she did not think there was anything we could have done. I smiled and told her what I am going to tell you. When things are out of our hands, we should be thankful that we have a God who knows a whole lot more than we do. For whatever reason, He had something different planned for us than what we did. Since God knows everything and loves us so much, we can trust that His plans are better, even if we don't know why.

As most conversations with my kids do, this one left me thinking long after and applying my own medicine to my wounds. My week may have not been very good, but I can trust that God is caring for me. For whatever reason, he is allowing these things to happen and I need to trust in his all-knowing power. God is so good to us! All of us! We just need to push aside our worries and focus on our blessings!

As I close today, I would like to remind you (and me!) of the psalm which inspired this blog, psalm 23. In verse 4, David shares that things are not going so great for him, but that he will trust in God anyway, without worry or fear. Then verse 5 reveals how God blesses him for following where He leads, how he refills his cup. Let God refill your cup today!

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.

De-Stressing!

I have a new project this week. I am attempting to de-stress my lifestyle. How about you? Need a little de-stressing?

I will admit, I am an over-achieving, type A perfectionist. Phew! Glad to get that out! While I enjoy accomplishing things and I enjoy the work I do, I realize that at times I do too much. I think that this "too much" is affecting my health, my relationships, and my overall happiness! In short, my cup is empty and I keep trying to pour out of it! The bad part is, however, that I am this way by my own making. My husband doesn't require it. My kids don't demand it. My ministry would function well without it. The "it" being the stress! I am sure that half of what I do would still get done even if I took a little time to relax.

God does not want a bunch of pack-mule women to serve him through pain and suffering. He says,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." --Matthew 11:28

and he goes on!

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden in light." --Matthew 11:29-30

That sounds nothing like my daily routine! So I began to do a little research on reducing stress in your life. What I found medically completely supported everything found in Scripture (go figure!) So if you, dear sister, like me, need a little de-stressing in you life, join me in trying the following ideas!

Calm Music
Calming music and sounds are supposed to lower one's stress level. Looking back to the life of Saul, this king hired David to come and play music for him then he "would feel better." (1 Samuel 16:23)
I have attempted to play some classical music each day this week while I am doing chores or taking a shower.

Call a Friend
It is proven that when one feels stressed and gives a friend a call, just the thought of sharing the burden with another lowers the level of stress. If we think of this, Proverbs 17:17 has already shown this to us when it says

"A friend loves at all time, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."

Eat Right and Exercise
Well, we all know this one, so I am not going to get into it too much... Do you recall Daniel 1? By eating healthy and as the Lord had instructed, Daniel and his companions were "healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food." (Daniel 1:15) This week I am attempting to get up each morning and do some exercises. I am also cutting back on my caffeine intake (gasp!) and taking daily vitamins!

Meditation and Deep Breaths
Well, while this may bring to mind some Eastern religious mumbo-jumbo, we must not forget that we are supposed to be meditating - on the Word of God! There are passages after passages to remind us of this, but consider the following:

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. --Joshua 1:8

Laugh
Remember the Proverbs 31 woman? It says that she can "laugh at the days to come." (Proverbs 31:25).
Laughter is proven to be a huge stress reliever! Remember the old saying "laughter is the best medicine?" There is truth to that! My kids always serve for a good laugh if I just take the time to sit and play a little with them! I also love to watch Psych. Thirty minutes with those quirky guys and I am rolling in laughter! Find what tickles your funny bone and take some time out for it!

Sleep Well
Doctors recommend that adults get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Those of you with young children laugh at this idea. Think about the following:

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves. --Psalm 127:2

Sounds like God values sleep, doesn't it? Make the effort to get a good night's sleep each night.

Purpose
This last one is from me. Don't let the things you do as a result of your life's purpose become your life's purpose. Always remember why you do what you do.

My goal is to implement all of these into my lifestyle. What about you? What can you do this week to de-stress your life a little?

Little Reminders

Do you ever stop and think about what your life will be like 10, 20 years from now? Where is the path you are on taking you? I often think about this and wonder if I am not only doing my best right here, right now, but also building the best future. Am I seizing opportunities to make the memories I will cherish in the years to come? Am I equipping my children with the tools to be strong, self-sufficient, godly individuals?
One of the most important, am I nourishing my marriage to be the relationship that will still be there when my kids are grown and all others have moved on?
Proverbs 5:18 says, "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." Am I giving my husband something to rejoice about in the years to come?
Sometimes I am too busy taking care of all the technical aspects of marriage (raising the kids, cleaning the house, folding the laundry, cooking the meals, doing the bills...) that I forget to put effort into the marriage itself.
So how do you keep your marriage front and center? Now that I have a several years under my belt, what I find easiest is to use the ideas that worked in the past. We all have those special memories of the silly little lovestruck things we did when we were dating, engaged or first married. What were those things? What was it that made those things special? Repeat them and watch your husband's face light up, guaranteed!
This week I recalled early on in our marriage, before my first daughter was born, in our tiny 4 room (not bedroom) house.  I had a red dry erase marker that I used to write love messages to my Beloved on the bathroom mirror for him to find before or after work. After a few moves and a couple of kids later, that dry erase marker got lost and forgotten, but I remember how he would smile when he found those messages.  So, I started rummaging through my desk (there are now dozens of dry erase markers in my possession) and found a red dry erase marker. I went into the bathroom and wrote a simple "I love you" on his mirror. It was so sweet when he found it, like I had done something reeeallly out of the way for him. I wrote on the bathroom mirror, how hard was that? But in actuality, how hard are any of the little extra things that we can do to remind our husbands that they are the number one in our lives?
Your husband married you for a reason - because you made him smile and gave him something to rejoice about. Don't be too busy and burdened with the everyday to lose what it is he loves most about you - you!

Pizza, Anyone?

When I was in college, I would get really nervous during finals. Even though I had done well the whole semester, I would have a nervous breakdown during this time of year! Every time, I would call my mom and she would reassure me and calm me. You know that mom-phrasology that you never forget? Well, there was one phrase my mom always told me when I would get overwhelmed:

You can only eat a pizza one bite at a time.

What she meant was, if you try to take on everything at once, there's no way you can handle it and you will completely overwhelm yourself. When we are overwhelmed we must focus on one task at a time instead of trying to figure out the whole big picture! God is the only one who can understand the whole picture. 
My pastor growing up told me one time that our lives were like a giant, beautiful tapestry. God sees the top, all the colors and patterns and the beautiful picture our lives create. We see the bottom, the messy tangle of loose strings and seemingly unorganized knots and threads. We need to quit trying to understand it all or do it all and just take each thing as it comes, one step at a time. Jesus had similar advice when He said,

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34

God wants us to be organized. He placed us in our homes to care for it, to care for our children, to create a safe-haven. There is a difference, however, between being organized and worrying over things. What is it that you need to do right now? Laundry? Write a letter? Play outside with your kids? Make dinner? Then do it! Do it to the best of your ability and don't worry what isn't getting done or about tomorrow's agenda, or next week's! God has a plan for everything and He will make sure it all turns out just perfectly if you have trust in Him. One thing at a time - one big ol' bite of that cheesy pizza at a time!

Empty Cup?

If you are anything like me, then you have a knack for getting yourself over committed. This is the quick path to burn-out in your home and ministry. If you are pouring out of your cup faster than you are pouring into it, then there will be nothing left to pour out to others.
This has been happening to me lately. If you are experiencing similar things, then maybe it is time to make some adjustments. It means that something has to go. This can be a difficult decision to make, especially if your life is filled with Good things. But we need to remember that just because we are doing Good things does not mean that those are the things that we should be doing.  Take time to sit down, make a list of your priorities, and then cut back from the bottom. You may not need to stop doing whatever it is entirely, but to adjust your time spent on that particular thing. Or you may need to make a clean break.

Have you ever read Alice in Wonderland? It is one of my favorites. In Chapter 3 we find the Caucus Race. All the creatures are running in circles faster, and faster, but no one reaches the finish line. If this is us, then we need to break the cycle!

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 3:1

There is time to let go, and if it is your time, then be strong and know that you are choosing the best things in life over everything else. That is how we walk in God's will for our life.

The Unforgiving Minute

Today is the last day of our topic on Rudyard Kipling's If. I hope you have enjoyed it so far and that his poetic look at the realities of life inspire you as they do me! Today's focus is one of my favorites!

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

One of my greatest fears in life is that I will get to the end of it and feel like I have wasted it. My goal in life is to live a life that I will never regret. I don't see a life without regret as one without mistakes; I see it as one that was not wasted. I want to reach for the stars! I am sure that this is a desire in most of our hearts. Kipling addresses this desire in this one stanza - "to fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run" means that not one second was wasted!

I believe that one of the reasons that women feel burdened instead of busy is because we feel we are wasting our precious moments on things like dishes, laundry, work, and that we will look back and have missed the important things and have regret. I have formed the following from my own pursuits to live a life without regret, and I hope they will be a helpful inspiration for you!

Ways to fill the unforgiving minute and live a life without regret:

1) Make a list of your priorities - the things that you want to see you've done by the time you reach the end (whenever that may be!)  For me it is simply to have captured every moment possible of memories with my children, to have loved my husband to the greatest of my abilities and found in him my best of friends (important for when my babies grow up!), to have used my time and efforts in ways that will further God's kingdom and either lead people to Christ or help them to grow in their Christian maturity so that they can lead others to Christ. For me, that's it! You may have more!

2) When those moments arise, choose your priorities over other things. Is it a beautiful day to spend outside playing and you only have an hour before work? You have two choices - dishes or play with kids. Go play with those babies! Dishes can wait! What I have learned is that no one really cares except me! So I need to put aside my perfectionism in order to fill that minute with 60 seconds worth of distance toward my life goals!
Do you have to work outside of the home or is it a choice you make so that you can have more money to spend on nicer things? Is having nicer things one of your priorities? If it isn't, reevaluate! If you have to work, then you need to be extra thoughtful about how you fill your minutes outside work! Choose your priorities - always.

3) Get rid of Waste! We all need rest and down-time. However, if you are wasting the time that you could be building memories or making a difference in the world by watching TV, playing on the Internet, messing around with hobbies, then you need to set those things aside. Need a break? That's OK! Set a time limit for yourself (i.e. I will watch this show and then get back to work; I will check my email and Facebook for 15 minutes and then go see what my kids are up to).

4) Don't burden yourself with expectations that you can't live up to. Live your life! Feel free to enjoy it! Reach for your goals, but don't be tied down by them (see some of the earlier posts!) SMILE! When things don't get done or don't go right, just shrug it off and keep on!

5) Definitely not the least important - spend time in prayer and study of God's Word. God can take you to new heights in your life if you spend the time to build that relationship with Him! Take the time to get to know Him, who He is and the plans He has for you. If you live a life saturated in Christ, I can guarantee that in the end, you will not have regrets!

I hope that this will encourage you today to take every opportunity to fill your unforgiving minute in a way that will make your life something beautiful to look back on!

Dream a Little Dream

From the time I was eight years old, my dream was to go to Africa one day.  I wanted to see the beauty of the land, the people, the animals. I read books about it, watched movies about it, and even made a scrapbook of the animals I would find there. It was my "before I die..." request.
The summer I was nineteen, I stepped foot off of a plane into Kimberley, South Africa. The feeling I felt I can only assume is the feeling of one's dream coming true.  I spent six weeks in South Africa that summer with a missions team working with the people in different countries throughout the country.  Cape Point was forever written in my mind as the most beautiful place on earth.  I left a portion of my heart there (forever). I returned again three years later.

I feel extremely blessed to have attained my life dream when I was only nineteen years old. Many reach the end of their lives without ever having done so. What I have learned about attaining dreams, however, is that they don't stop once you've reached them; they grow. My dream then became a desire to serve in South Africa full time (one that I have not yet attained).
Often, as mothers especially, we feel that we must exchange our dreams for reality. In a sense, we do. Yet, I feel that it is more in pursuit of a bigger dream. "I will not pursue my dream of ____________, because I want to devote my time to raising up my children to follow Christ wholeheartedly, to be well-educated, and to have a strong family environment in which to live, and my dream would not attain that higher goal." Does that mean that we shouldn't dream, or that our dreams don't matter? No. It simply means, as Rudyard Kipling so eloquently put it in his poem If,

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

then you are able to reach for something much higher than where your dreams could have ever taken you! Dreaming allows us to realize the potential that we have in our lives. The key is to understand that our dreams are so limited and "small-scale" to the plans that God has for us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Don't allow the burdens of the everyday life cause you to lose your dreams. Take hold of those dreams as something that God has wired inside of you for some purpose, for some reason that is yet to be explained. I believe there are several ways in which He equips us for His service - by experiences, by knowledge, and by passions and dreams. So today, DREAM BIG! Just don't make dreams your master, for there is only one that belongs on that seat!

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Don't Deal in Lies

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hate. - Rudyard Kipling's "If"

One of the reasons that Christian women often feel so burdened down is because we put so much pressure on ourselves with unreal expectations.  The world itself is constantly dealing out lies to women about how they should look, act, shop, dress, work, parent, even think, through tv, magazines, ads, books, and even other women.  Women, even young teens, are pressured to give themselves away.
Christian women can be told even more lies...We are expected to be all of the above, while being supermom, having a perfect looking home, having personal Bible study and prayer time, attending and volunteering for all church events, pleasing our husband all the time, and strictly adhering to the church's standard of behavior.  Oftentimes we simply label this perfect model of a woman "The Proverbs 31 Woman."
THIS is being lied about and dealing in lies.  THIS causes us to give way to hate...ourselves. THIS is what causes us to lose the joy of a life found in Christ.  THIS is what burdens us down, enslaving us to Satan's lies.
So how do we see these lies for what they are?  We learn who it is we serve and what His expectations of us are, and we don't worry about anyone else's opinion.  "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32  All throughout the New Testament we see that Christ came to offer us freedom.  We are set free in order to live a life for him without burden.  So about these lies?  Here is the basics of what God asks of His women:

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:3-5

So what are we to do? 
1) Watch that our behavior is positive (reverent, not slanderers, not drunkards, self-controlled, pure, kind). 
2) Love our family.  It does not give a criteria of what we must accomplish each day for our husbands and children, nor does it give the 5 steps to have the perfect child.  It simply says to love them.  How easy is that?
3)  Be busy at home.  What?!  Yes! The word busy was used! However, if you notice, there is no indication as to what type of home you should have, how it should be decorated, how clean it should be, nor how many cute pinterest ideas you have incorporated into your hall closet!  It just says to be busy at home.  This opens up the doors for you to use that creativity that God gave you to create the living space for your family to fit your family.  It opens the doors for you to do what needs doing and not worry about what doesn't get done.  God doesn't expect you to have everything done each day; He expects you to be busy working on it.  As I type, I have 3 baskets of laundry lying on my bedroom floor waiting for me to fold them.  Are my kids still alive?  Yes.  Is my family still functioning with my laundry on the floor, unfolded?  Yes.  Should I have stayed up until midnight last night folding it?  No.  God doesn't want a worn out, sleep-deprived version of you.  He wants you at your best!  So take the time needed to rest, without feeling guilty for what isn't done.  Then, when the day begins again and it is time to work, be busy at home (not on facebook or the other wonderful, mind-sucking sites there are!).
4) Be subject to your husband.  As much as we would love to deny it or ignore it, God wants us to let our husbands be the head of the household.  Does that mean that you are just a slave to him and that it doesn't matter what your opinion is on things?  Not if you are in a godly, loving marriage.  It simply means that God will hold your husband accountable for the things that go on in your family.  It means that it is your husband's job to manage everything.  In our family, I do the planning and the organizing and the finances!  I do these things because my husband asks me to because he knows that God has gifted me in those areas.  Yet, I always make sure to tell him exactly what I have going on - approve it with him, in a manner of speaking.  Allow your husband to be responsible for that which God will hold him responsible. 

So today, my dear sister, don't deal in lies, and don't give way to hatred.  Live a life of freedom and truth...and love!

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1 

If Busy Didn't Mean Burdened

So often women feel burdened and weighed down by their business. Our lives don't have to be that way!  In fact, when I looked up "burden" on Biblegateway.com, there were 49 results!  Clearly, being burdened is a human plague!  But this is what Christ said,

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matt. 11:28-29 (NIV)

So how do we do all the things that God has clearly called us to do (being a mother, wife, working to support our children, teaching our children, caring for the home, ministering to others) without feeling burdened?  The number one way is to allow Christ to fill us.  The only way that we are able to do any of the things we do is by the overflow of our hearts.  He can fill us through prayer, meditation, encouragement of others and time spent in His Word.  If we are able to do this, then suddenly our business doesn't mean burdened and we can lead the joyful life that Christ has called us to!
Another source of inspiration for me is the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling.  I would like to take the next week or so to break this poem down into pieces and see what insight we can gain into our own lives!

IF, by Rudyard Kipling

IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!