The Guilt of a Dreamer

My "dream list" includes spending time on every continent, gliding down the Amazon River to spend days lost in the treacherous jungles, translating the Bible for a people who have never held the Gospel in their hands before, packing up and leaving all of my troubles and struggles behind, growing old with my husband on a beach watching the sunset, and looking like Nicole Kidman when I am her age!

Those are just a few of the things I would love to do with my life. I find, however, that when I begin to dream these, or even less harmful dreams like a romantic get-away, a new outfit, or remodeling my bathroom, I begin to feel guilty.
As moms, I believe we become too accustomed to being the "nobody" of the house. Sure, we all encourage our obsessive behavior by telling each other that our homes cannot function without us...but in the process we lose who we are. It becomes a joke and laughing matter because we are lost as to what to do about it.  Our kids' and our husband's well-being come before our own. They get clothes before we do. School supplies come before our novel reading list. Their food tastes take precedence over our own. How they choose to spend free time becomes what we do. Their schedules become our schedules. We push ourselves out of fear of becoming that mom who neglects her children and puts herself and her selfish desires before that of the care of her family. We will not be that woman!

After time of living with this mind-set, we can lose sight of who we are - our passions, our dreams, our simple pleasures. When we begin to dream, our logic screams at us, "what about the kids!? How would that affect them?! That's selfish!" And then we feel guilty for ever dreaming at all.

I am writing this today because I think this is wrong. I think that God has created us with adventure and dreams in our hearts! I believe that we should be willing to take a look and see what else is out there, what more life can have in store for us! Give a little more room for yourself sometimes. You spend all of your time and extra money on your children - get yourself a gift sometimes! Plan a night out for yourself or you and your spouse! Don't be afraid to be a woman with her own dreams and desires. This doesn't necessarily mean packing up and heading out to some remote island (though it might!) but it may include breaking the unhealthy walls of the rooms we have built ourselves into. What we might find is that our marriages are strengthened because we return to being the woman our husbands married. We may make our children proud of our accomplishments and give them inspiration to reach their own goals and dreams. You may find fulfillment and pleasure in your life that you had given up hope of ever having.

Dream big!

I'm That Little Girl

I have been so frustrated this whole week. My Princess has entered into a stage where she moves slower than a sloth to do anything and absolutely nothing can motivate her to accomplish the things she needs to in a day - getting ready in the morning, caring for pets, doing her school work. The lost privileges and consequences have no effect. She simply doesn't care and doesn't understand why she should. I want to pull my hair out in exasperation at trying to get her to realize that she is missing out on so much good stuff in life by draaaaaaaagggging out the work!



Flashback. There was once another little girl just like this - me. I clearly remember being about eight years old, standing on a giant rock in the middle of my grandmother's garden, performing a song at the top of my lungs with the world as my audience. I was free! It was fun! Problem? I was supposed to be weeding the garden. My grandmother had told me that if I pulled the weeds from her flowerbed she would pay me and also take me to the movies that evening. I remember her coming out of the house time and time again to urge me to get the work done...to hurry...to stay focused and motivated. I never understood until now.

I am still that little girl. It has occurred to me that we are all like this in our spiritual walks. God is constantly urging us to do more, make more of ourselves. Our response? We would rather waste time on things that don't matter, wallow in irrelevance and get sidetracked by everything else around us! Chores, status, finances, jobs, relationships, gossip, possessions...the list could go on and on. God doesn't encourage us to push these things aside and focus on His Kingdom because He is just a big meanie! He does it because he knows that if we focus on what is truly important, if we work hard and get "things" done, then there will be rewards! Life will be more exciting and fulfilling! 

Stop dragging your feet and get busy! You've got a life to live!

Reset

Have you ever had your computer freeze up on you? There is just too much going on in its intricate little brain, too many uploads, too much information, too many commands. My husband is notorious for losing work he's spent hours on because he forgets to "save as you go!" The worst for me is when I am in the middle of watching a movie (we do online tv/movies) and right when you are about to figure it all out - freeze.  I believe that we all learned early on those magic key-strokes (ctrl+alt+delete). Now the world of technology has a "refresh" button!

I believe that sometimes our lives are just like our overloaded computers. There is just too much going on inside our brains that we are responsible for. There are experiences changing us and teaching us. There are too many things that we must remember (shopping lists, bills due, children's extra-curriculars, laundry, dishes, church events, call your mother, feed the animals, did you feed the kids today?). And there are just too many demands! On just Monday I schooled my children, cleaned my house, took my daughter to her bread-making class, coached a soccer practice, rushed back over for a 4-H meeting, then made it home just in time to bathe the kids, read them their story, put them in bed, grab some food and ask my husband how his volleyball tournament went (they won 1st place!).

Freeze. Do you remember that verse from Psalm 46:10?
"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;"
I will tell it to you straight - we can not live our lives at top speed like this if we want to continue to have joy, purpose and fulfillment. We will kill ourselves. Our lives and the impact we have on others is a direct overflow from what is within us. If we have tapped into our reserve tanks and run them dry as well, we are in a bad position.  Last week we took our Easter break. I committed to do nothing that was not absolutely necessary. I laid around and watched movies with my kids. We had a week-long Monopoly game going. We ate...a lot. I read a book. I breathed.
Is it time for you, dear friend, to freeze for a little while?

Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
In Jeremiah 31:25 our Lord reminds us that,
"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”
I think that often times we get carried away with all our comings and goings. It is important that each of us take a time out and reset. On my wonderful Easter break, after I began to breathe again, I then began to think again.  I thought about my family and my children. I realized I had let a lot of the simple, but important things slip through the cracks while focused on the less important "pressing" things. I recommitted. Think about the things you do, why you do them, and what may be missing.
Here are a few things that I think you should consider when you reset:
Purpose - don't do anything unless there is a purpose. If the purpose doesn't fit what you want for your life, for your children, or for your ministry, then don't waste your time on it! (this would also be a good idea for you to think about what your purpose is for your life and your family)
Family driven - your children grow so fast. Make sure that the things you do now cultivate your family being united. Do things together!
Fill Your Own Cup - make sure that you include time for yourself occasionally. Make sure that this time is fulfilling to you, not a time where you are still giving. Have a ladies night out, go to a retreat, spend time at a book store with a hot chai latte (my favorite!). Fill your own spirit!
Cultivate Your Marriage - make sure that everything you do is working toward a common vision between you and your spouse. Make sure to spend time alone with your spouse. Make sure that you regularly have energy at the end of the day to devote to intimacy. Take time outs to do special things to remind them that you love them!
Good Isn't Always Best - The hardest part for me is to weed out the unnecessary when everything is "good." Sometimes something doesn't have to be "bad" in order to cut it out. It just may not be the "best" thing in your life right now.

Don't miss out on the beauty, the charm, the blessings of your life because you are too busy running through life. You know that old idiom "Stop and smell the roses." There is beauty flowing from everything around us, but we must take the time to see it.  Now, go ahead and hit that refresh button in your life!

Desperate

There was a blow up at my house today between me and my six year old daughter. We are just alike. What I realized today, however, was that my children have, over the course of some time, become spoiled.  I never wanted a spoiled child, however, I have always striven to be the best mom I could be, sacrificing to give to them, etc. And now they believe that the world revolves around them and they do not appreciate anything that they have. But what is worst of all, my daughter has begun to lack passion for things.  Today I decided to make some changes around the house. We would begin to get less until we learn to appreciate that which we have. The initial response was less-than hoped for, but we are moving forward now.

Meanwhile, seemingly unrelated, I was talking to my mom on the phone and she was telling me about one of those valleys that we all go through, when we wonder why God allows so much hardship to happen to us. Of course, my typical answer is that it is just the consequences of living in a fallen world.

As I was doing dishes, I suddenly realized that these two things are actually related to one another, extremely related. Let me explain...

We have all, at some point in our lives, been desperate for God. Desperate. As the breath that we breathe, we needed his presence, his hand in our situations, his strength, passionately desiring Him. Can you think of that time? I would bet money on the fact that this was not an easy time in your life. Quite possibly it was one of the worst times of your life. That is the connection.

Without the "valleys" of our lives, we would never experience that desperation and passion for God. If everything were peachy all the time, we would, like my daughter, lose our interest in everything, lose our appreciation for our blessings and our passion for life. Without tears, how could we experience pure joy and truly understand it? Without pain, how would we understand comfort? Without heartbreak, how would we realize true love - how would we even know it was true love without experiencing the loss of it? It is for no small reason that the saying "you never realize how much you love something until it is gone" or similar is so well known.

God wants to spoil us. God wants to give us everything. God does not want to cause us pain or suffering. But sometimes, for our own good, He allows us to endure it. This evening, my dear Spirit has spoken to my heart. I must change how I interact with my children. It is not good for me to give them everything. I must also change how I interact with my God. What do I need to strip away to be grateful of Him again? This is the focus of this household for now. May we in the near future be found desperate for Him.

Give A Little, Get A Lot

It feels like forever since I have been on here with you! I am not tech-savvy enough to be able to post while on my adventures, so here is a nice sum up of it all!

This past week we spent on the Crow Creek Sioux Reservation with Diamond Willow Ministries. In an extreme nutshell, we spent the week loving on children. Diamond Willow is an organization that provides a positive place for the kids to be.  It is a big playroom that contains ping-pong tables, fus-ball, carpet ball, a tv center, and a kitchen.  The kids in the area come from difficult life situations.  They are able to come to Diamond Willow and get away, get support, and just get some real Christ-centered love. Besides just a great organization, Diamond Willow is nearly the only Christian presence on a reservation of approximately 6,000 people. When groups like ours come in, they are able to multiply the number of kids they can have out and influence.

Our days went sort of like this: We would wake up in the morning and make breakfast.  We would then spend the morning hours doing chores around the site.  About 11:00 they would drive to pick up the kids and spend the whole afternoon with them, including making them lunch.  About 4:30 the kids would be taken home and we would get about an hour before teens would filter in and we would feed them dinner and spend the evening with them.  Sounds easy, but we were all worn out to the max from carrying kids, running around, swimming, pushing swings, and on and on!  It was wonderful exhaustion!

We encountered several "hiccups" along the way.  The biggest for me (besides being away from my babies) was that I got a skin infection from poison ivy on my face and had to go to the hospital.  Yeah, ick!  I got the treatment I needed and it got rapidly better.  I don't believe one can ever go on a trip like this and not encounter something.  Satan doesn't just hand over his ground without a fight.

There are many, many things that I learned on the trip, but one in particular that I would like to share with you today.  Whether on the mission trip or just in your normal life, we tend to say that you get out of it what you put in.  However, when you are working in God's Will, you get out a lot more than you put in.  All it takes is for you to give a little to get a lot.  I was so proud of our team.  They gave a lot.  I know that they walked away with a lot more, though.  They already want to go back.  They formed relationships and bonds that will impact them forever!  But just think if we lived our everyday lives like this.  If we gave every ounce of ourselves for others.  If we unhesitatingly shared God's Word every opportunity that presented itself.  If we purposely made life changing relationships.  If we gave just a little.  Here is what the Bible says would happen:

"Truly I tell you," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life." --Luke 18:29-30

Basically, if we give a little, we will get a lot.  In what way can you give more today? Is there an area in your life that you can do more, share more, or love more? If there is...just do it!

To see more of our pictures from this trip, visit our youth group facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/First-Christian-Church-of-Richland-YOUTH/321279294150

My Baby is 4

Today my baby boy is turning 4. It amazes me each time we cross a milestone how quickly time is going by! If you read my posts regularly, you have probably read it over an over again -- now is all we have! I am reminded of this during these times. It is going so quickly!

It seems like yesterday when I first held him in my arms...

And it will feel like tomorrow when he is graduating High School...

So here is a reminder today from a mom who is thinking about her babies growing up too fast - don't let those joy stealers in. Don't worry about all those things you have to do today. Don't focus on where you could be right now if things had gone differently. Don't focus so much on where you want to be in 10 years. Focus on right here, right now and cherish those memories. Store it all up in your heart, treasure them, just as the mother of our Lord gave us as an example...

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. --Luke 2:19

Sisterhood

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. --Mark Twain

Oh, how I agree with this statement! Add a cup of coffee and your babies and you've got near-heaven! We all need a little bit of down-time and enjoyment from our busy everyday lives.  That is one of the best things about having girlfriends!

Why spend time with (godly) girlfriends:
1) It takes your mind off of the stresses and burdens of your daily life
2) You can share your feelings with someone who is most likely going through the very same things
3) You can get an encouraging word or inspiration
4)  Laughter is the best medicine!
5)  We all need someone to lean on when times get tough

I believe that having godly friends and devoting time to them is a very important thing that women must do.  It is one of the tools that God uses to Fill our Cup! Even King David had Jonathan as his best friend. We all need that person that is outside of the family circle.  Please be very careful how you choose this person or persons. 

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. --Proverbs 12:26

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is one who sticks closer than a brother. --Proverbs 18:24

There are many other passages in the Bible about choosing good friends and "godly counsel."  We need our sisters in Christ beside us.  I know you are busy enough, dear sister, with the chores and things you must accomplish each day!  But I encourage you to make time-outs a priority: time-outs for date night with hubby; time-outs for family night; and time-outs for some sisterhood.

One Shot

Do you like to look at old picture albums? I love it! Often, on a special occasion, I will set out a few for our family to sit and look at together. I love the memories that old photographs bring up and we can't look through them without more than a few laughs.
The funny thing about photographs is that you can't change them. You can't give yourself a new haircut in that high school picture. You can't take that boy's arm from around your shoulder. You can't put a smile on your face back at Aunt Lucy's birthday party. You can't remove the scrape on your daughter's head from where she fell down the stairs on picture day. You can't paint the walls of that ugly little first house. And you can't change the memories that are a part of them. You can't change what happened in those photos, or what happened before or what happened after. Most of us wouldn't want to.



One of those One-Shot Moments I'd never change!

 Our lives are like a giant album of memories. Each moment we live is a photograph. It is a moment that will be whatever we make it and we can't go back and change it! That is why it is so important for me to live each moment to the best of my ability. Because I only get one shot at it! I can never go back and redo right now.
There are days that I am so tired, I would like to put the kids straight into bed. But story time, the telling of our "favorite part of the day," and prayer is one of the best bonding times that we have. Some days I feel that I would rather read my Bible in peace, but I know the importance of letting my children see me studying God's Word.  Some days I am so worn out from their antics that I want to give up and just say "whatever," but I know that the lack of consistency would be damaging to the discipline of my child. I will get very real with you right now: some days I don't want to give up myself and the things I want to do in order to serve and be the mother of my family. On those days, my husband and I always just tell ourselves that this is our only shot. One day I will be old, my house will be perfectly clean because no children will live there; I will have time to read as many books as I want; I will have money to buy my extra goodies because I won't have to buy clothes, diapers, cleats, notebooks, milk...I will get to travel as much as I want because I won't have children I am leaving behind. But the main thing there is...I won't have children. They will be gone. This is our one shot to raise them. However we raise them is how they will be raised. The memories we make with them right now are the memories we will have left. The relationships we form with them will determine whether they come back to visit regularly and bring the beautiful grandbabies, and call, and write. And the spiritual walk we lead them on right now will determine the spiritual road they take as adults. And we've only got one shot.
I use the example of children because this is what is my passion and priority, but this principle applies to every moment of every woman's life, with or without children. This is your one shot at today. What are you going to do with it?

Setting My Priority Today

I decided not to write much today. It is Daddy's birthday and we are going to do the preparations to celebrate!
Remember to always set your priorities! You can't do it all, so don't pretend you can. Be honest, and always go with those priorities!
Today, my priority: Celebrating My Beloved!

Empty Cup?

If you are anything like me, then you have a knack for getting yourself over committed. This is the quick path to burn-out in your home and ministry. If you are pouring out of your cup faster than you are pouring into it, then there will be nothing left to pour out to others.
This has been happening to me lately. If you are experiencing similar things, then maybe it is time to make some adjustments. It means that something has to go. This can be a difficult decision to make, especially if your life is filled with Good things. But we need to remember that just because we are doing Good things does not mean that those are the things that we should be doing.  Take time to sit down, make a list of your priorities, and then cut back from the bottom. You may not need to stop doing whatever it is entirely, but to adjust your time spent on that particular thing. Or you may need to make a clean break.

Have you ever read Alice in Wonderland? It is one of my favorites. In Chapter 3 we find the Caucus Race. All the creatures are running in circles faster, and faster, but no one reaches the finish line. If this is us, then we need to break the cycle!

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 3:1

There is time to let go, and if it is your time, then be strong and know that you are choosing the best things in life over everything else. That is how we walk in God's will for our life.

30 Best of My Life

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I turn 30! I do not find it awful, just weird to think I am that old already! I have seen many clever things posted by people on their 30th birthdays, but I have decided to make a top 30 things in life list to share with you today!

Best Things EVER
1. My beautiful babies
2. My amazing husband
3. Finding salvation and love through Christ Jesus
4. My mom
5. Having and being a sister

Best Simple Pleasures   
6. Chocolate
7. Steak
8. Reading a good book
9. Watching the sunset
10. Sitting by the ocean
Best Lessons I've learned
11. "You can only eat a pizza one bite at a time" - Mom
12. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
13. You can't do anything if you don't try.
14. It's easier to do things right the first time.
15. You never know what a kid is going to do, so be ready all the time!

Best Things To Watch
16. Psych
17. X-Files
18. Gladiator
19. The Lion King
20. Tangled
Best Things To Read
21. Little Women
22. Where The Wild Things Are
23. Shakespeare
24. Edgar Allen Poe
Best Bands
25. Newsboys
26. Mamas and the Papas
Things to Never Forget About My Childhood
27. Barbie
28. Neon-colored push-down socks
29. Good-luck Trolls
30. Rainbow Bright

Hope you have an amazing day, making memories for your next 30 years, whatever that mark may be!