The Guilt of a Dreamer

My "dream list" includes spending time on every continent, gliding down the Amazon River to spend days lost in the treacherous jungles, translating the Bible for a people who have never held the Gospel in their hands before, packing up and leaving all of my troubles and struggles behind, growing old with my husband on a beach watching the sunset, and looking like Nicole Kidman when I am her age!

Those are just a few of the things I would love to do with my life. I find, however, that when I begin to dream these, or even less harmful dreams like a romantic get-away, a new outfit, or remodeling my bathroom, I begin to feel guilty.
As moms, I believe we become too accustomed to being the "nobody" of the house. Sure, we all encourage our obsessive behavior by telling each other that our homes cannot function without us...but in the process we lose who we are. It becomes a joke and laughing matter because we are lost as to what to do about it.  Our kids' and our husband's well-being come before our own. They get clothes before we do. School supplies come before our novel reading list. Their food tastes take precedence over our own. How they choose to spend free time becomes what we do. Their schedules become our schedules. We push ourselves out of fear of becoming that mom who neglects her children and puts herself and her selfish desires before that of the care of her family. We will not be that woman!

After time of living with this mind-set, we can lose sight of who we are - our passions, our dreams, our simple pleasures. When we begin to dream, our logic screams at us, "what about the kids!? How would that affect them?! That's selfish!" And then we feel guilty for ever dreaming at all.

I am writing this today because I think this is wrong. I think that God has created us with adventure and dreams in our hearts! I believe that we should be willing to take a look and see what else is out there, what more life can have in store for us! Give a little more room for yourself sometimes. You spend all of your time and extra money on your children - get yourself a gift sometimes! Plan a night out for yourself or you and your spouse! Don't be afraid to be a woman with her own dreams and desires. This doesn't necessarily mean packing up and heading out to some remote island (though it might!) but it may include breaking the unhealthy walls of the rooms we have built ourselves into. What we might find is that our marriages are strengthened because we return to being the woman our husbands married. We may make our children proud of our accomplishments and give them inspiration to reach their own goals and dreams. You may find fulfillment and pleasure in your life that you had given up hope of ever having.

Dream big!

You Will Never Be Good Enough

Yep, you read that right. You will never be good enough. Now hold on before you click to some other link that is more upbeat and cheery. This really is a pep-talk!

I have always been that girl that has to do everything right. I actually get very upset if I don't accomplish what I wanted to. It was great when I was younger going through school. It got me good grades. It kept me from making stupid decisions (most of the time). You get the picture. However, as a mom, it has not been a great quality to have. Of course we should always strive to do our best, but my problem was that if I didn't have all the items on my to-do list checked off, if my house wasn't up to "par," if my kids were having "one of those days," even if I were sick and didn't get my ducks in a row...I felt like I had failed. I was a failure as a mom. I was a failure as a wife. I was just a failure.

Well, in a way, the Bible says that is true. Let's explore:

Isaiah 64:6 says, "For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment;"

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."

We can never be good enough! There are never enough good things that we can do to make all of our mistakes "ok." We can never serve enough or give enough to pay the price for our wrong choices. That is why God sent His Son.

This isn't a bad thing! It's grace! It is freeing! What this tells me is that I can stop striving! I can stop trying to be perfect. I can stop trying to be the perfect mom. I will never be. I can stop trying to be the perfect wife. I will never be. But, that doesn't make me a failure. It makes me beautiful. Yes, because Jesus blood has cleansed me and I am now in right relationship with God. With His Spirit in me, guiding me and sanctifying me, I am perfect. The way that I am now seen is not based on what I have accomplished, but on what He has accomplished for me. I can live a life without the burden of checking things off the list and focus on loving others and sharing this message of grace with everyone that I can.

Now, that is a pep-talk!

True Freedom

In honor of our country's Independence Day, I wanted to write about freedom. There are so many things we could discuss in regards to this topic, but the past few days that I have had have led me to want to share about our freedom in Christ. In the United States of America, we celebrate, and hopefully hold dearly to, those freedoms that allow us to make our own choices, especially in regard to our religion. This is a blessing! Not every Christian enjoys these freedoms, though. However the Bible talks about freedom that we all find in Christ. Let's begin with Romans 6:16-21:

"Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey —whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? ¹⁷ But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. ¹⁸ You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
¹⁹ I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. ²⁰ When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. ²¹ What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! ²² But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."

Let me tell you a little about what's going on at my house. You know that old saying, "when it rains, it pours?" Yes, it's pouring around here! Last week, in one day, we had our hot water heater go out, our dishwasher stop running, the dryer will only run half a cycle and to top it all of beautifully,  a screw slipped on my computer when I closed it and the whole things snapped in half. Problem being, we don't make a whole lot of money to fix things all at once like this! Our landlord (love him!) replaced the hot water heater and we decided that our top priority (given how much of our ministry is done via online media - teens!) was our computer. So we spent what little savings we had and bought a computer and I resorted to washing dishes by hand. Ok, moving on. You didn't think that was all, did you? So this week the kids and I took our annual trip to St. Louis to site see with my sister (there are great free family things to do around that area!) The last day there I made a horrifying discovery: the kids and I had lice. I have no clue where it came from, but we had it bad. Therefore, I had to use the remainder of our regular savings to buy all of the treatments, sprays, etc, in order to rid ourselves of this plague! In the process of getting everything in the house washed with hot water to decontaminate, our washing machine broke. No, I am not kidding. So, my dear husband (who was my knight in shining armor this week, by the way!) and I had to break into our anniversary savings money to get a new washer. See, my daughter was born on our first anniversary, so we decided then that we would save money each year instead of celebrate, and every 5 years we would do something grand! Washing machines were not in that plan.

I guess what I am getting at is this: while we are blessed to live in the US and experience numerous freedoms, we are not free from life. We are not free from struggles and burdens and worries. The freedom that we have is the freedom to choose. We are free to choose whether these circumstances are going to get the best of us. We have the freedom to choose whether to focus on these things or to look outside ourselves for opportunities to continue the work for the Kingdom. We have the freedom to choose to wallow in hopelessness and self-pity or to rely on the never-failing faithfulness of God to supply every need. We have freedom from sin, which means no matter what the situation, we can choose God and in the end we will receive eternal life with him because of that freedom.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. -- John 8:36

Borrowed from beamerfilms.com

Here's a little something I have learned from these trying times in my life - think about Job. Satan doesn't give you the time of day if he doesn't think you are worth it. But if he thinks there is some value to steering you off course, then he will give it his all. That means, that in times like these, take it as a compliment: 1) that God would find you trustworthy of such trials and 2) that Satan thinks you are worth coming after. Don't let him win. Let him throw at you whatever he will, but keep your eyes locked on Christ Jesus and focus only on what you can do to glorify him. Claim the victory of this battle and rely on Christ to be your strength.

The Unforgiving Minute

Today is the last day of our topic on Rudyard Kipling's If. I hope you have enjoyed it so far and that his poetic look at the realities of life inspire you as they do me! Today's focus is one of my favorites!

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

One of my greatest fears in life is that I will get to the end of it and feel like I have wasted it. My goal in life is to live a life that I will never regret. I don't see a life without regret as one without mistakes; I see it as one that was not wasted. I want to reach for the stars! I am sure that this is a desire in most of our hearts. Kipling addresses this desire in this one stanza - "to fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run" means that not one second was wasted!

I believe that one of the reasons that women feel burdened instead of busy is because we feel we are wasting our precious moments on things like dishes, laundry, work, and that we will look back and have missed the important things and have regret. I have formed the following from my own pursuits to live a life without regret, and I hope they will be a helpful inspiration for you!

Ways to fill the unforgiving minute and live a life without regret:

1) Make a list of your priorities - the things that you want to see you've done by the time you reach the end (whenever that may be!)  For me it is simply to have captured every moment possible of memories with my children, to have loved my husband to the greatest of my abilities and found in him my best of friends (important for when my babies grow up!), to have used my time and efforts in ways that will further God's kingdom and either lead people to Christ or help them to grow in their Christian maturity so that they can lead others to Christ. For me, that's it! You may have more!

2) When those moments arise, choose your priorities over other things. Is it a beautiful day to spend outside playing and you only have an hour before work? You have two choices - dishes or play with kids. Go play with those babies! Dishes can wait! What I have learned is that no one really cares except me! So I need to put aside my perfectionism in order to fill that minute with 60 seconds worth of distance toward my life goals!
Do you have to work outside of the home or is it a choice you make so that you can have more money to spend on nicer things? Is having nicer things one of your priorities? If it isn't, reevaluate! If you have to work, then you need to be extra thoughtful about how you fill your minutes outside work! Choose your priorities - always.

3) Get rid of Waste! We all need rest and down-time. However, if you are wasting the time that you could be building memories or making a difference in the world by watching TV, playing on the Internet, messing around with hobbies, then you need to set those things aside. Need a break? That's OK! Set a time limit for yourself (i.e. I will watch this show and then get back to work; I will check my email and Facebook for 15 minutes and then go see what my kids are up to).

4) Don't burden yourself with expectations that you can't live up to. Live your life! Feel free to enjoy it! Reach for your goals, but don't be tied down by them (see some of the earlier posts!) SMILE! When things don't get done or don't go right, just shrug it off and keep on!

5) Definitely not the least important - spend time in prayer and study of God's Word. God can take you to new heights in your life if you spend the time to build that relationship with Him! Take the time to get to know Him, who He is and the plans He has for you. If you live a life saturated in Christ, I can guarantee that in the end, you will not have regrets!

I hope that this will encourage you today to take every opportunity to fill your unforgiving minute in a way that will make your life something beautiful to look back on!

Don't Deal in Lies

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hate. - Rudyard Kipling's "If"

One of the reasons that Christian women often feel so burdened down is because we put so much pressure on ourselves with unreal expectations.  The world itself is constantly dealing out lies to women about how they should look, act, shop, dress, work, parent, even think, through tv, magazines, ads, books, and even other women.  Women, even young teens, are pressured to give themselves away.
Christian women can be told even more lies...We are expected to be all of the above, while being supermom, having a perfect looking home, having personal Bible study and prayer time, attending and volunteering for all church events, pleasing our husband all the time, and strictly adhering to the church's standard of behavior.  Oftentimes we simply label this perfect model of a woman "The Proverbs 31 Woman."
THIS is being lied about and dealing in lies.  THIS causes us to give way to hate...ourselves. THIS is what causes us to lose the joy of a life found in Christ.  THIS is what burdens us down, enslaving us to Satan's lies.
So how do we see these lies for what they are?  We learn who it is we serve and what His expectations of us are, and we don't worry about anyone else's opinion.  "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32  All throughout the New Testament we see that Christ came to offer us freedom.  We are set free in order to live a life for him without burden.  So about these lies?  Here is the basics of what God asks of His women:

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:3-5

So what are we to do? 
1) Watch that our behavior is positive (reverent, not slanderers, not drunkards, self-controlled, pure, kind). 
2) Love our family.  It does not give a criteria of what we must accomplish each day for our husbands and children, nor does it give the 5 steps to have the perfect child.  It simply says to love them.  How easy is that?
3)  Be busy at home.  What?!  Yes! The word busy was used! However, if you notice, there is no indication as to what type of home you should have, how it should be decorated, how clean it should be, nor how many cute pinterest ideas you have incorporated into your hall closet!  It just says to be busy at home.  This opens up the doors for you to use that creativity that God gave you to create the living space for your family to fit your family.  It opens the doors for you to do what needs doing and not worry about what doesn't get done.  God doesn't expect you to have everything done each day; He expects you to be busy working on it.  As I type, I have 3 baskets of laundry lying on my bedroom floor waiting for me to fold them.  Are my kids still alive?  Yes.  Is my family still functioning with my laundry on the floor, unfolded?  Yes.  Should I have stayed up until midnight last night folding it?  No.  God doesn't want a worn out, sleep-deprived version of you.  He wants you at your best!  So take the time needed to rest, without feeling guilty for what isn't done.  Then, when the day begins again and it is time to work, be busy at home (not on facebook or the other wonderful, mind-sucking sites there are!).
4) Be subject to your husband.  As much as we would love to deny it or ignore it, God wants us to let our husbands be the head of the household.  Does that mean that you are just a slave to him and that it doesn't matter what your opinion is on things?  Not if you are in a godly, loving marriage.  It simply means that God will hold your husband accountable for the things that go on in your family.  It means that it is your husband's job to manage everything.  In our family, I do the planning and the organizing and the finances!  I do these things because my husband asks me to because he knows that God has gifted me in those areas.  Yet, I always make sure to tell him exactly what I have going on - approve it with him, in a manner of speaking.  Allow your husband to be responsible for that which God will hold him responsible. 

So today, my dear sister, don't deal in lies, and don't give way to hatred.  Live a life of freedom and truth...and love!

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1