Tuesday, February 4, 2014
The Guilt of a Dreamer
My "dream list" includes spending time on every continent, gliding down the Amazon River to spend days lost in the treacherous jungles, translating the Bible for a people who have never held the Gospel in their hands before, packing up and leaving all of my troubles and struggles behind, growing old with my husband on a beach watching the sunset, and looking like Nicole Kidman when I am her age!
Those are just a few of the things I would love to do with my life. I find, however, that when I begin to dream these, or even less harmful dreams like a romantic get-away, a new outfit, or remodeling my bathroom, I begin to feel guilty.
As moms, I believe we become too accustomed to being the "nobody" of the house. Sure, we all encourage our obsessive behavior by telling each other that our homes cannot function without us...but in the process we lose who we are. It becomes a joke and laughing matter because we are lost as to what to do about it. Our kids' and our husband's well-being come before our own. They get clothes before we do. School supplies come before our novel reading list. Their food tastes take precedence over our own. How they choose to spend free time becomes what we do. Their schedules become our schedules. We push ourselves out of fear of becoming that mom who neglects her children and puts herself and her selfish desires before that of the care of her family. We will not be that woman!
After time of living with this mind-set, we can lose sight of who we are - our passions, our dreams, our simple pleasures. When we begin to dream, our logic screams at us, "what about the kids!? How would that affect them?! That's selfish!" And then we feel guilty for ever dreaming at all.
I am writing this today because I think this is wrong. I think that God has created us with adventure and dreams in our hearts! I believe that we should be willing to take a look and see what else is out there, what more life can have in store for us! Give a little more room for yourself sometimes. You spend all of your time and extra money on your children - get yourself a gift sometimes! Plan a night out for yourself or you and your spouse! Don't be afraid to be a woman with her own dreams and desires. This doesn't necessarily mean packing up and heading out to some remote island (though it might!) but it may include breaking the unhealthy walls of the rooms we have built ourselves into. What we might find is that our marriages are strengthened because we return to being the woman our husbands married. We may make our children proud of our accomplishments and give them inspiration to reach their own goals and dreams. You may find fulfillment and pleasure in your life that you had given up hope of ever having.